The Power of Community!

Bullying prevention takes a community.

Change begins when schools, organizations, parents and students unite. The letter below beautifully illustrates the efforts of a Brownie Troop from Michigan. Congratulations to the Troop, their families and their community. They are making a difference, touching many lives along the way, and it matters.

The End of Bullying Begins With Us! Hello PACER! It’s Carrie from Brownie Troop 30117. Just got your second “Thank You” letter and request to put our donation letter and a picture of our troop on your web site. We would be honored to be on your web site listed as Troop 30117 from Richmond, Michigan and I will send a picture as soon as I can and as soon as I get the o.k. from the Brownie moms. I am so thankful to you for recognizing our troop. Part of what we are trying to teach our girls this year is that every little bit counts and that change happens one person at a time. We all agreed that if our efforts this year helped ONE kid feel better or NOT get bullied that it would be worth it. With that being said, we truly picked the right organization to support... one that is thankful enough to reach out to us even though our contributions have only totaled $248.00 so far this year.

If you wouldn’t mind, I would also love to tell you about some of the other things we have done this year to create awareness and help the fight against bullying!

1. We earned our No Bullying patch. Each girl wears this on her sash or vest around school on meeting days.

2. We talked a lot about what it means to bully and what to do if it is happening to you or one of your friends…your web site helped a ton with this…great job on the kid specific stuff!

3. We also used a lot of the American Girl books and magazines…they have lots of good info too. They have a cool No Bullying pledge that we all signed.

4. We made pocket necklaces for ourselves or to give to someone who really needed it. Inside the pocket for around your neck the Brownies added a heart for kindness, a diamond to let your true self shine, a rock for confidence, a snowflake because you are unique and there is no one else on earth just like you and that is cool and googly eyes to help you see the good in all people.

5. We entered the Richmond Elementary School Talent Show and our act was designed to send a message to the audience about bullying. We danced to the theme song from the Movie Bugsy Malone…”You give a little love and it all comes back to you…you’re gonna be remembered for the things that you say and do….” Other cool lyrics included…”we’re weaker divided, good friends do tend to make you smile,” “shake an open hand, maybe trusting if you try to understand,” etc. During the dance the girls tossed beach balls out to the crowd to pass around that had your web site on them, a message about bullying and a cool lyric from the song. At the end of the song all the girls were lined up with their backs to the audience and the letters on their backs spelled out…don’t bully be kind! We were also able to get a message about bullying out to the audience through the announcer (principle) and the Talent Show program.

6. The girls wore t-shirts in the talent show that said…”You’re Gonna Be Remembered for the things you say and Do” on the front. They are now able to wear them to school and tell people what it is all about.

Thanks for letting me share! Pictures are soon to follow… from the Talent Show too!

PS: I learned about your web site from watching ELLEN. I have sent her all of the above information as well as a few gifts from the Troop as well!!!

RESPECT, By Will S. Bunin

Special thanks to Will S. Bunin for allowing PACER to post this poem. When asked about his inspiration, Will shared the following:

This poem is stating that even if your bullied you can stand up to the bully, and never be bullied again. What inspired me to write this poem? I could say that it was the kind gesture of watching someone help another being bullied. I could say that it was me who saved another. I could even say that it was me who was saved by another, but all these things that I could say would be lies. They would be simple hopes that are not true. When I was younger, I was bullied. I was bullied for being weird, incompetent, and just plain different. I acted how I wanted to, and paid the price for it. This continued until I finally had enough of it, and stood up for myself. I wish I was able to say that someone stood up to the bully and helped me out, but this is not the case.

RESPECT
Will S. Bunin

You don’t know me
So don’t judge what you can't see
Don’t smudge me out
Don’t begrudge my Intel
Just don’t hold a grudge
Against my style
Of all black
Or hate the idea
of a keychain
on the front of my back

Don't belittle what's different
About this kid
Don’t whittle my soul
Down to its core
Because that’s what bullies are for
That’s what you 're doing to my life
So don’t just stab me in the back
With a rugged old knife
This is not some surgery
So stop being the jury
And stop your misery
Stop your condescending low heartedness
You gruesome crow

You might make fun of me
Or ask me to calm down,
But no!

I'm not going to calm down for one second
I'm going to simply stand
Tall and fight

I'm going to stand tall and fight you
And your mean ugly hand
Your cold moribund fingers that tremble
Your dastardly deeds that correspond to evil
You and your outright impurity,
your cold, sickly, disorienting, repulsiveness
That fills all with hatred hotter than bloods thick core

I'm going to fight you because I can
Because someone as ghostly as you
Someone who causes as much hate as you
Someone who is as unjust and relentlessly cold as you
Needs to be stopped

Who am I you ask

I am simply him
I am the one you bully
I am the one you torment
I am the one who needs help,
But does not get it
I am the one who looks toward a new horizon
A new place of freedom

I am me
It's just that simple
am the one who has had enough of your bad behavior
I am the one who is standing up to people like you
I am the one who WILL win against your soaring ways,
Your bitter travesties.
I am the one who shows respect to those who show me the same courtesy

You want respect, don’t you?
All people do

If you want respect so much, then show me the same behavior
If you want respect so much, then show him the same behavior
If you want respect so much, then show everyone that you deserve it

Don’t judge someone because they're weird
Don’t judge someone cause they're annoying
Don’t judge some because they're different
Just don’t judge

RESPECT.

Peer Advocacy - Innovative Bullying Prevention Initiative

The following is an article posted in local Minneapolis newspapers.

Ten Watertown-Mayer Middle School students recently traveled to the Minneapolis Convention Center to share their innovative bullying prevention initiative with school board members and administrators at the Minnesota School Board Association Conference. The students presented to a standing-room-only crowd.

The initiative, called “PACER’s Peer Advocacy Program,” is a collaborative effort of PACER Center and Watertown Mayer Middle School. Julie Hertzog, a Watertown parent of a student with a disability and the director of PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center in Minneapolis, Minn., was concerned that her son might be vulnerable to bullying behavior. Because of that concern, she approached Connie Irvine, his middle school special education teacher, to discuss the issue.

Hertzog, along with Irvine, and Cris Leinendecker, Watertown-Mayer school psychologist, set out to design a creative solution. What resulted is being hailed as an innovative game changer for school districts looking to improve the climate of their schools, especially with regard to bullying. “The Peer Advocate Initiative is the first of its kind, and Watertown-Mayer Middle School has done a fantastic job of developing and piloting it.”, Hertzog said.

The premise of PACER’s Peer Advocate initiative is that the peers of children with disabilities become friends and advocates of these children. Students without disabilities are paired with students with disabilities, and receive training about the specific disabilities of their fellow students and how to advocate for them. These advocates spend time with Irvine and Leinedecker on a regular basis to discuss issues specific to their peer with disabilities and how to handle the issues. They also are anonymous reporters of bully behavior. The peer advocates plan fun activities specifically designed for their peer student, fostering friendships and relationships which normally would not be easily developed between typical children and those with disabilities.

“The overwhelming consensus is that everyone wins,” Irvine said. “What began as a way to ensure the safety of a vulnerable child in a school setting has grown into a program that builds character and compassion.” The program also gives students the skills to stand for themselves and others in the difficult situations, Leinendecker said.

The peer advocates report that this experience has changed the way they view those different than themselves, and has helped them to recognize everyone’s worth. “Some peer advocates have even admitted that they used to participate in bullying behavior, but because of this experience, they’ve stopped,” Irvine said.

The program has been well received by the student body, and Irvine has been approached by other students wanting to get involved and become peer advocates. “Much of the success of this program is due to the commitment of Ms. Irvine,” Hertzog said. “She is the organizer, teacher, day–to-day problem solver and heart of the program. Without her selfless effort, the vitality of the program would not be nearly as strong. “

The Popular Girls

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

I am often asked the question "who gets targeted by bullying?" The age-old stereotype of bullying only happening to "the shy kid who wears glasses" has been shattered as we know that it can happen to anyone. And sometimes it happens to those that you least expect. The following story was sent by a young girl - and poignantly details that "being popular" doesn't give you the exemption ticket.

Some people may be jealous of the 'popular' girls. The IT people. I am one of the 5 most popular girls in the school and I'm telling you there is nothing to be jealous about. We're not true friends. The girls gossip and talk behind other's backs and there are sides to every little story. One day this girl hates you, the other day she thinks you're her best friend. That happens, and when it does, it hurts.

The most popular girl - the Queen Bee, some call it - leads people to believe in what she believes herself. She is popular because she built a reputation, but I know that nobody truly likes her. I am a very close friend to the Queen Bee's best friend (who doesn't think of the Queen Bee as her best friend, just lets her think so as to not hurt her and suffer the pain she and I suffer everyday) and I think she's jealous sometimes of our relationship. She would ask the other girls to go on a 'hate fest' against me and would ignore me for 3 days or so.

I've gotten used to it. Every week or two something like that happens. Sometimes I wonder why that never happens to her. Why when our group splits up temporarily she's never alone. The 'best friend' and I, we talk to each other. About how we feel about situations. But no, we never gossip. I know how it feels, I know how it feels to have your stomach empty and not dare to go to the cafeteria. I know how it feels to have to fight back tears. I would not wish it on anyone.

Nobody deserves it.

- A girl who is just trying to get through middle school

The Power of Sharing Your Story

What impacts students when addressing bullying? One of the more powerful influences, as rated by the students themselves, is learning about their peer's unique experiences. It can be a video, a written story, song, artwork, audio file or a poem - what matters is that bullying becomes a shared experience, that no one should experience it in isolation or think that they are alone, or that no one cares - and that there are steps that can be taken to make it stop.

Every story is unique, each one has a message, and allows for another voice to be heard. Below is one such story, a poem by "Hannah", an 8th grade student.

"Hi, my name is Hannah and I'm supporting TeensAgainstBullying.org by
sharing my story. In seventh grade my two best friends turned against me and
harassed me all the time. The bullying took a huge toll on me, and I started
cutting myself very badly. I quit cutting at the end of eighth grade and have
found comfort in writing poetry. Here is the first poem I ever wrote. It is
about my life in seventh grade."

The Pain
Pain doesn't hurt
When it's all you've ever felt.
So drench yourself
In the music just so you don't melt.

Let the music
Take you in.
Until every inch
Of flesh has thinned.

And only then
Can you wash away,
All the memories
Of that day.

The dirty looks
you got from "friends".
The lonely sighs
That would never end.

They wash away
Like acid rain.
Or like the acid tears
That took the pain.

Want to share your story? Send it to bullying411@PACER.org

My Inspiration

This post originally appeared on CNN.com on October 7, 2010

(CNN) -- As a mother, you send your children off to their first day of kindergarten with pride, anticipation and excitement. But a part of you can't shake those nagging questions: Will they make friends? Have someone to play with at recess? Be bullied?

As director of PACER's National Center for Bullying Prevention, and the mother of a child with Down syndrome, those questions don't just go away with time. And that worry only intensifies.
My 14-year-old son, David, was born with Down syndrome. Before he turned 3, he had undergone three open heart surgeries and a tracheotomy, and his breathing required a ventilator. Heading into kindergarten, David was nonverbal, had delayed cognitive abilities and received his nutrition from a feeding tube.

There was no doubt about it: My son wasn't like his peers. Because of his differences -- and research showing children tend to single out peers with characteristics like his -- I feared that David could become a poster child for children expected to be the targets of bullying.
We live in a small community, where David has known all of his classmates since kindergarten and will eventually graduate high school with most of them. They have the same classes, eat lunch at the same time and attend field trips together. For all of these reasons, I decided the best way to address my concerns about David would be to become his advocate -- not only with adults, but with his peers.

During his first year of school, I started visiting David's classroom to talk with his classmates about Down syndrome. I discovered that most children weren't concerned about his cognitive issues; they were actually more fascinated with why he didn't talk. At this time, I also networked with his teachers, his paraprofessionals and even made sure the lunchroom workers knew me. I hoped the more these people felt comfortable with me, the more information they would share.
Now, years later, David has just started the eighth grade. He's not bullied, and more than that, he loves school. It's the place where his peers give him high fives in the hallway, ask him to sit by them at lunch and -- best of all -- genuinely accept him.

I have been David's advocate, but I can't take all, or even most, of the credit for David's acclimating so well to school. That credit belongs to his teachers, school staff and classmates, particularly a group of students who received training in sixth grade on how to prevent bullying and speak out on David's behalf. We call them his peer advocates, and if they see bullying, they intervene, ask the bully to stop or report the situation to an adult.

The concept sounds simple, but because my son can't tell me what happens during the day, I depend heavily on these peers to act as his voice. Now, what started as four kids in sixth grade has evolved to a schoolwide project with more than 40 students volunteering to become peer advocates so they can help David and other students who are different.

I know all too well that not every parent of a child with a disability has this good fortune. Although I've found that power comes from sharing and being direct, I realize this approach won't work in every classroom where bullying exists. But there are always ways that parents, teachers and students can develop strategies and begin to teach young people the importance of inclusion, acceptance and -- most important -- respect.

The act of bullying hurts not only the children involved, but the entire community. That's why PACER Center has organized National Bullying Prevention Month in October, a time for communities nationwide to unite and promote bullying prevention through creative resources designed to engage, educate and inspire. Ignoring the problem is not the answer. Instead, our communities can take steps to raise awareness of bullying and start teaching young people that the end of bullying really does begin with them.

Bullying has affected too many for too long. But there is hope. Hope for the teachers who want bullying to end. Hope for the students too afraid to go to school. And hope for the mothers and fathers of children with disabilities -- that one day, they will drop off their children on the first day of kindergarten without having to worry about whether they will be bullied. Instead, they can expect their children will be included and respected by their peers for everything they are.

"Twin Day"

As homecoming week approaches for many schools across the nation, it seemed like a good time to revisit a section from the PACERTeensAgainstBullying.org web site called “What’s Up With That?” which features students (using screen names) giving their opinions on various topics. This topic references the “dress up” days that are often associated with the week.

“Twin Day”
{incognito}
Our family moved this summer, and starting 10th grade at a new school has been rough. I haven't made many friends. This week is Spirit Week, you know, those days when everyone is supposed to do things like wear pajamas or dress in school colors. Today was this thing called Twin Day. You’re supposed to get together with someone and dress alike. People who have a “twin” love it, but for people like me who don’t really fit in, it’s the worst day of the week.

{stephisticated}
Our school has the same day. A lot of kids get left out, but mostly it's those who are always left out, like the quiet, shy kids or those who are in special education--no one ever “twins” with them.

{typeO}
Get over yourselves--everybody gets left out sometime. That's just the way it is. What’s the big deal?

{Cookie*monsta}
Yeah. Our school has had Twin Day for years. A lot of people love it. No one has whined about it before.

{theMAN37}
But, kids do get left out. That can't feel good.

{stephisticated}
No kidding. Even though my best friend and I always pair up, I feel pretty bad for kids who don't. It just makes them stand out even more, and not in a good way. If I feel bad and it’s not even happening to me, think how it feels to be them.

{baditude}
Don't be pathetic. If someone isn't paired up, that's their problem, not anyone else's.

{stephisticated}
But that's just it. It's not their problem; they are being set up. Why should Spirit Week, which is supposed to pull students together, do something that hurts people?

{AllSmiles}
I agree. I don't want to be a part of something that hurts other people on purpose.

{theMAN37}
I'm with you. Down with Twin Day. There's got to be something better. I vote for Dress Like Your Parents Day or ’80s Day.

{incognito}
OMG, that would be so funny. I’m going to suggest that to the Student Council for next year.