The Short Bus Stops at My House

This is an essay written by my oldest daughter. I love it for many reasons—the first is that I am proud of the person my daughter is becoming, the second is that it's honest and insightful and the third is that it is a testimony of unconditional love and acceptance.

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"The Short Bus Stops at my House"
By Laura Hertzog (age 18) for her brother, David (age 17)

It’s funny how the length of the bus you ride has the ability to define you as a person. Personally, I rode the regular sized bus, the one the “normal” students rode to school. However, there was another bus that happened to stop at my house every weekday morning. The ...short bus, "the retard racer", the bus that was transportation for my brother. Yes, my brother rode the short bus and will forever be the root of some kid’s immature joke. Or even worse the root of some adult’s joke. My brother is defined by his transportation of getting to school. They look past his ability to smile while making his bed every morning, or him surviving five open heart surgeries before the age of five, or his ability to say “Luve you all.” It’s all looked past because of society’s standards of perfection.

Society has its stereotype of perfection for high school students. And let me tell you, the qualities of Down syndrome do not match our standards of perfection. Slurred speech, trouble writing, slowed motor skills, noticeable scars are the blunt indicators of the imperfections my brother has that society tells him and our family. His cognitive abilities will never meet education standards. I can remember the day my mom told me my brother did not meet the minimum of the bottom two percent on a standardized test. The anger stays with me today. The test didn’t show how far he has progressed from his starting point. It simply just related him to his other peers. He will always need to be in special education, he will always need a para helping him through the school day.

This may be how my brother is viewed in society but I can tell you this is long far how I view my brother. David may be 17 months younger than me but I view him as a role model, someone to impersonate. As I wake up in the morning, worried about if I will have enough time to put on make-up, and what the cafeteria is serving for breakfast, and how hard practice is going to be, and am I going to have someone to sit with at dinner tonight, and how I’m going to have to read 60 pages, and make sure I keep up on social media; not one of those things come as a concern to David. There is something beautiful about his innocence. His worries in life are so minor compared to the average person. His worries consist of grabbing his two favorite toys to bring with to school, making sure he brushes his teeth in the morning, and making sure the channel is tuned into the evening news at six. It’s humbling to observe

I didn’t ask for my brother to have Down syndrome, nor did my parents, nor did my brother. However, I know we can all agree David is the reason our family is so strong. It’s the reason my mother fights for to uphold human dignity every day. It’s the reason for my father’s compassion. It’s my reason for counting my blessings at night. It’s the reason for my sister’s generosity. Down syndrome may have put some road blocks in the way, may have caused some eccentric looks from strangers in the crowd, but ultimately Down syndrome has brought my family joy and has redefined perfection for each one of us.

And the short bus stopping at my house was the greatest blessing.

Special thanks to Jim Dillon for permission to share his article "The Best Antidote to Bullying? Community-Building".

 

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Published Online In Education Week: December 10, 2013

Published in Print: December 11, 2013, as The Best Antidote to Bullying? Community-Building

Commentary

The Best Antidote to Bullying? Community-Building

By Jim Dillon

 

Bullying doesn't wound students; it pours salt on a pre-existing injury, causing it to hurt even more. Most students who are bullied have already been hurt. They are wounded by exclusion when they find themselves without friends or allies. They are wounded when they fail in school, or when they don't gain the approval of their peers or, all too often, their teachers. They are wounded when they don't get the help they need. And they are wounded when they feel they have no place to go, or no one to talk to.

Preventing students from being hurt in the first place is the most effective way to thwart, as well as dramatically reduce, bullying. When students are members of a strong community, they feel accepted and supported, not isolated and excluded. They can trust that there will be someone to help them if they are in need. A school community is a place where people value each other and have a sense of responsibility for helping everyone feel safe and protected. Not all schools are communities, however.

Some schools focus solely on individual achievement. True, students need to be concerned about their own grades, about following the rules, and respecting their teachers; they should also be challenged, though, to care about the safety and the success of others. Students can learn how to support and defend their peers—and not just those with whom they share obvious similarities. Students should learn how to care about and defend those who might be different from them. As schools expect students to meet high academic standards, so can they expect students to meet high moral standards.

When schools lack a strong sense of community, the result is an environment in which students gravitate toward either "the winners" or "the losers." Students quickly learn the difference, as well as the importance of associating with the popular kids.

 

"When students are members of a strong community, they feel accepted and supported, not isolated and excluded."

Students who bully often seek to improve their social standing and demonstrate their social prowess to their peers. They carefully select as their targets the most unpopular students, those without friends or allies, in an attempt to earn a place in their desired social group.

Students who witness bullying often refrain from standing up for the victims, not from a lack of empathy but from the fear of being associated with the targeted student. Unfortunately, their reluctance to intervene or report bullying gives tacit approval to the student who bullies, giving that student license to continue. And the problem grows—other students are tempted to bully as a way to move up the social ladder.

The problem is compounded because students who bully strike beyond the radar of adult supervision. This is a subtle pattern almost impossible to detect by even the most caring and competent educator. Under these conditions, bullying can persist in even the most successful and high-achieving schools. The methods that successfully control other inappropriate school behaviors don't work when it comes to bullying. In fact, educators who are effective classroom managers are often unable to control the bullying that can happen in plain sight.

For educators to be effective at bullying prevention and reduction, they must shift their attention from only disciplining students who bully to empowering students who could be in a position to stop it.

When bystanders are given the skills, the confidence, and the courage to intervene or report abusive behavior, the student who bullies is disempowered. When the number of students who defend and protect their vulnerable peers grows, the school's social norms shift from the unspoken acceptance of bullying to one where bullying is not tolerated.

 

Building a strong school culture in which this behavior violates social norms is a challenge—often, even more difficult than implementing policies or programs. But it is also a necessary goal for any school. It requires a commitment for changing how individuals see and treat each other. It requires the nurturing and strengthening of the school's social connections. When bullying prevention is reframed as community-building, it moves from a problem-solving scenario to an opportunity for improving the learning environment for everyone.

Schools can begin this healing and healthful process by asking staff members and students to consider and discuss the differences between a group of individuals and a community. Students should explore what their responsibilities and obligations to their peers are. Staff and students should talk about the existing challenges and the barriers to helping others. From these discussions, the school community can develop specific strategies for what to do and say when anyone witnesses an act of bullying. Students can and should play a role in planning how to make their school a better place, to insure that everyone is treated with respect.

When schools encourage these discussions, they send a message to students that looking out for others is one of their core values. Educating students to take ownership and responsibility for their learning environment is the best preparation for becoming good citizens.

As schools become stronger communities, they provide students with the protection and the platform they need for continuous growth and learning. This should be the goal of bullying prevention and for how we educate all students.

Jim Dillon is the director of the Center for Leadership and Bullying Prevention, in Albany, N.Y. He is a national consultant on bullying prevention and school climate. A retired teacher and school administrator with 35 years' experience, he is the author of The Peaceful School Bus (Hazelden, 2008) and No Place for Bullying (Corwin, 2012).

Orange, Orange and More Orange!

Special thanks to the third graders at Lafayette Regional School in Franconia, New Hampshire who were inspired by Unity Day! The following blog is authored by Brielle and Julia and the link can be found at the KELLEYKIDS BLOG

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Have you heard of Unity day? You’re probably wondering how we know about Unity Day. We learned about it in a Time for Kids.  Well, Time for Kids is a little magazine that  we  got the idea from.

Unity day is a day that Julie Hertzog  made up. She wanted any kid that was being bullied to feel good. And that is hard to believe.  But it is a good thing, a very good thing.  Because when you get bullied you feel sad.
Introduction   by Lily and Finn.

PLANNING!

     After the third grade at Lafayette Regional School read the article from TFK we decided to spread the word!

We wanted the whole school to participate.   So we had to plan a lot of stuff. On Friday we planned with Mrs. Koehler and Mrs. Kelley.  On Monday we asked permission of Mr. Johnk and he said, “Go for it!”   During art class we got Mrs. Overhoff, Mrs. Marks, Mrs. Albrecht  and Miss St. Jean to help.  All of us worked on a Unity Day Project to make a poster to spread the word!!   We even asked Mrs. Butterfield to make an announcement about Unity Day at the end of the day.
By: Sam and Liam

About the Chains and How We Made Them

     We also started making a chain out of orange strips of paper with our ideas how you can stop bullying. The basic idea was for the whole school to make a gigantic chain that goes through the building. What the chain was supposed to do is it spreads all of your ideas throughout the world to help stop bullying. Someday we hope that our (and your) ideas will fill up the whole world. We wrote things down like,” If I saw bullying I would tell a teacher,” and “If you are a bystander, get help or be help.” etc. We also made a movie of our posters and us reading our ideas on our strips of paper with a message at the end.  Remember, anyone can stop bullying.
By: Brody and Yuto

Another Thing We Did is We Wore Orange…                       
   
Orange Kapow!!!!

     We wore orange on October 9th 2013 to help stop bullying. Unity Day was a day to wear orange. Julie created Pacer’s National  Bullying  Prevention center.  Julie says “All kids have the right to feel safe at school and in their community.” We found all this information in a Time For Kids called "Forbidden Foods". There are 3 different articles. We looked at one called "A Powerful Way to Stop Bullies". Stand up for your friends if you see someone getting bullied. Hope you join in next Unity Day on October 9th.   
  
See ya!                                                                                                                                                                 By Brielle and Julia

Question: What happens when a Minnesota non-profit,

a Minnesota business and a Minnesota community

unite to prevent bullying?

Answer: An giant iconic statue goes orange!

 

 

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        That’s what happened in the community of Blue Earth, Minnesota on Unity Day, October 9, 2013, when the Green Giant statue sported an orange toga to show support of PACER’s Unity Day. Representatives from PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center, Green Giant, and Blue Earth spoke at the event, in which Blue Earth was proclaimed “Orange Earth” in recognition of Unity Day.

 

         In my speech, I spoke about a memory from 3^rd grade in which we were given the art assignment to draw our favorite character and I drew the Green Giant. This was almost four decades ago, but I vividly remember it as I can recall how even then the Green Giant stood for goodness and strength. I shared that in the coming days, weeks, and even years from now, that I believe when people see images of the Green Giant wearing the orange toga or when they think back to the day, that they will reflect on their own “inner giant”. That they will know that this is a moment of tremendous symbolism, representing the uniting of individuals to show that people care passionately about keeping students safe.

 

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Want to read more? Visit the online article by Chuck Hunt, Faribault County Register Editor.

 

Welcome to Orange Earth Minnesota National event held at BE GiantPark

October 13, 2013 by Chuck Hunt - Register Editor (chunt@faribaultcountyregister.com)

The Green Giant turned orange, the mayor declared the city's name be changed to Orange Earth and students from Blue Earth Area showed up in anti-bullying orange T-shirts. It was all part of a media event called Unity Day held last Wednesday morning at Blue Earth's Giant Park.

 

Co-sponsored by General Mills and their Green Giant Company, and PACER (a Minneapolis based national Bullying Prevention Center), the hope was to create a buzz in media across the country in support of October being Bullying Prevention Month. Read more>>>

 

 

 

 

 

"We Will Be Giant" takes big steps to end bullying

An article featuring my son, David, which illustrates the power of peer to peer intervention. Special thanks to the author, Deepa Shankran, and our amazing partners; Green Giant, Free the Children and We Day!

Posted to the WE DAY section of the STAR TRIBUNE on October 6, 2013

My daughter Grace was interviewed for an article that appeared in TIME For Kids online at http://www.timeforkids.com/news/united-front/105091 and in print.

Grace, like so many of her peers, knows the importance of standing together, so that no one stands alone, but then again, as her mother, I am biased :) 

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A United Front

On October 9, kids will wear orange to show their support for Unity Day and to stand up against bullying.
 

September 27, 2013

 

By TFK Staff

 

Grace Hertzog knows what she is wearing on October 9. "Tons of orange," the sixth grader from Watertown, Minnesota, told TFK. "Orange glasses, shoes, beads, a skirt, and an orange Unity Day T-shirt."

 

Unity Day is an annual event that Grace's mom, Julie, helped start. She is the director of Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Center. People can take part in Unity Day, which this year is on October 9, simply by wearing the color orange. They can also perform a group dance, make bullying-prevention paper chains, and sell Choose Orange bracelets that will help Pacer pay for future programs.

 

The goal of these activities is to show support for kids who are bullied. A study by the Youth Voice Project, at Penn State University, found that one in four students is bullied emotionally, by being left out, teased, or called names regularly, and about one in 10 is bullied physically, which includes pushing and hitting.

 

"When awareness is raised around bullying, students no longer feel alone, and they learn they have options," explains Julie Hertzog. "All kids have the right to feel safe at school and in their community."

 

Unity Day is one of several Pacer events planned for October, which is known as National Bullying Prevention Month. Details about the activities are available at pacer.org/bullying.

Grace plans to continue her anti-bullying efforts throughout the year by being an upstander. That is a person who reports bullying to an adult and is kind to anyone who is bullied. How will you help make sure bullying is not an issue at your school this year?

To access the digital edition of TIME For Kids, go to timeforkids.com/digital.

Over the past several months PACER Center has been partnering with the General Mills brand Green Giant to develop The We Will Generation which will be available to schools this year. In working with us on this project the Green Giant team also wanted to create a program for parents to help them find a way to talk to their children about bullying. This program is called “Raise A Giant” and comes to life through letters written by parents to their children. I’m asking you to help bring this movement to life by writing a letter for the Raise A Giant movement and then sharing it with others to inspire them to write one as well. The letter that I wrote to my 17-year-old son David is posted on-line and copied below.

 

I hope to see your letter on www.raiseagiant.com this October!

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Dear David,

Long before you or your sisters were born, I had dreams of what I wanted for my children. My dreams for all of you were really quite simple – no five-bedroom house by the lake complete with a pontoon and matching jet skis. (Don’t get me wrong, if you do have a house like that I will definitely come to visit!) No, my dreams were more about who you would become as individuals and what your footprint on the planet would be.

There were two things I wanted for you: First, that you would be good citizens of the world, and second, that you would be happy. I know what you’re thinking. You probably have that big grin on your face, the one you get when things don’t make much sense. “Good citizens of the world? What does that even mean?” Well, David, for me it means that you will give back to the world more than you take. It means that your actions will have a positive influence on the lives of others. It means that living is more about what you do for others than what you do for yourself.

As for "happy," well that doesn’t mean you need to pursue a career in comedy or laugh out loud all day long. For me, being happy means that you appreciate who you are, that you believe in the choices that you’ve made, that you won't mourn what you don't have, but you will take the time to recognize all that is good in your life and celebrate it. For me your happiness is about having the inner contentment and easy gratitude that comes from surrounding yourself with people who care about you and accept you just the way you are.

David, if anyone deserves to be happy it is you. You have been through so much in your 17 years, much more than any child should ever have to endure – through open heart surgeries and that breathing tube, through all of the poking and prodding and countless medical procedures. Through every single tragedy you just keep on smiling. I never have to wonder. From the light in your eyes to ever present mail, when you look at me and say, "Happy!" there is no doubt in my mind that the goal has been achieved.

But you need to know that I will never take that happiness for granted. I know that life has its challenges and your joy in life is always at risk. When you started school I knew you would be vulnerable. People can be intimidated by things they don’t understand, and I knew that others might not provide you with the same love and acceptance as your family. At the same time, I believed that your innate joy of life would be a magnet that attracted others, that there would be good people in your life who would be inspired to act on your behalf.

As for that second dream, to me your life is the very definition of good citizenship. Soon after you were born and we first learned about your disability, there was so much we didn't understand. When I shared the news with my mom, she just looked at me in her kind way and offered a knowing perspective that has stayed with me forever: “Julie,” she said, "every life has meaning." I admire the way you live your life David, the way you unconditionally accept everyone you meet, the way you wake up in the morning, pull back the curtains, and shout "Sun!”

When I reflect on your goodness, that’s when I see the true meaning of your life. You just have this amazing way of bringing out the best in people, of making them smile with you, of touching something inside of them that others cannot reach. You have a way of helping them become good citizens of the world, too. Maybe it's because they, like me, can look beyond the barriers of what you aren’t and see the incredible reality of who you are. Maybe they grasp the innocence of your individuality, and admire the way you are willing to share your enthusiasm, your joy, and your happiness with those around you.

So David, it looks like we just might have accomplished my two big dreams. Would it be OK if we added a third one to the list? Or maybe we can start a whole new list and put this big dream right at the top. Either way, my dream is that people everywhere will learn what you have already put into practice, that they will discover that differences are the norm, not the exception. When you can acknowledge the differences, you are more likely to find what you have in common.

Like your grandma said, people need to know that every life has meaning, and your life reminds us each day that no matter who we are, no matter what we look like, no matter how we act, that we all have something of importance to offer the world.

Sweet Dreams, Mom